How to handwrite from this page
- Each H2 is a Dan Kennedy letter beat, titled
BeatName — short research quote (or product line when the bank has no quote).
- Read the gray Handwrite box first — that is the job for that section.
- Under it, bullets are raw ore: chop, rearrange, turn complaints into questions, stitch into your prose. Prefer Avatar over Foil.
- Product bullets are accepted product locks (not forum quotes). Use them when the bank is empty for that beat.
- Name Strong’s / e-Sword / Blue Letter once in the whole letter, then talk pain without brand-beating. Logos $ lines are foil, not the buyer.
- Re-verify Indexed quotes before publishing them as attributed lines. Mark paraphrases as such if you keep them.
- This page is a worksheet, not the finished public sales letter.
Beat 0 · Johnson box / teaser
Teaser — “the next best thing short of learning the languages”
Handwrite:
2–4 short lines above the fold. Stop the right reader. No product worship yet. Steal phrasing from the bullets; flip to questions if it helps.
- Avatar “I am essentially trying to find the next best thing short of learning the languages…”
- Paraphrase “Two friends, two Bibles, same chapter — different verses — and nobody labeled why.”
- Paraphrase “They promised ‘closest to the original.’ They sold me another committee English.”
Beat 1 · Headline
Headline — “I don’t want that [smoothing]”
Handwrite:
Pick one winner later. For now, list candidates by shortening quote lines. Benefit, curiosity, or named problem — specific beats vague.
- Avatar The next best thing short of learning the languages
- Avatar I don’t want that (smoothing / broader Christian beliefs)
- Avatar I worry most modern translations obscure it
- Avatar I do not read Greek — why can’t I compare the texts?
- Avatar It is 2020!
- Avatar They said “literally from the oldest manuscripts.” So why does it say “born again”?
- Expert A concordance, in and of itself, is not a lexicon
- Expert Stop using Strong’s like a replace-a-word code finder
- Avatar I'd like Greek LXX + contemporary English side by side
- Paraphrase I wanted the oldest witnesses. I got a library I’ll never open.
Beat 2 · Lead
Lead — “which English… most faithful to… the original/oldest source documents”
Handwrite:
Open inside their head. Use their sentences almost intact, then tighten. End near the night-thought: Scripture vs smoothed version — how would I know?
- Avatar “I’m trying to figure out which English-language Bible translation / version is most faithful to, and most accurately conveys the meanings of, the text in the original/oldest source documents.”
- Avatar “I know the most popular translations often try to smooth things over for the sake of clarity, agreement, or narrative accordance with broader Christian beliefs/values.”
- Avatar “I don’t want that.”
- Avatar “I am essentially trying to find the next best thing short of learning the languages…”
- Avatar “I'm checking the various translations on this passage, and I worry most modern translations obscure it.”
- Avatar “I was told that ESV uses the oldest Greek manuscripts to translate the scripture literally… So why is it that in John 3:3 the ESV translates ‘be born from above’ to ‘is born again’…?”
Beat 3a · Problem
Problem — “the NIV intentionally obscures problematic passages”
Handwrite:
State the problem factually first: soft/steered English; unlabeled splits; can’t compare without languages. Keep their verbs (obscure, smooth, change the Bible).
- Avatar “…it frustrates me just how often the NIV intentionally obscures problematic passages (which, naturally, are some of the most interesting to me).”
- Expert Davidson: translators “change the Bible itself — altering the offending words and phrases to say what they think it ought to have said.”
- Avatar “This is my problem: I would like to be able to compare the two most referred-to texts… I do not read Greek… It is 2020! … I know I can look at critical texts. I don't think that is good enough.”
- Avatar “I'd like to have the Greek LXX with a contemporary English translation so I can compare them side by side.”
- Avatar “Trying to learn biblical Hebrew, very overwhelmed…”
- Avatar Intensive Koine: “way too much work… cramming so much into a five week course.”
- Avatar “…one sentence translation per night… Sisyphean.”
Beat 3b · Agitate
Agitate — “Is the interesting passage the one they obscured?”
Handwrite:
Twist the knife. Turn problem bullets into questions. Cost of inaction: years of confident English that never showed its work. Still no product pitch.
- Question flip Are the most popular translations smoothing things over for broader Christian beliefs?
- Question flip Is the interesting passage the one they obscured?
- Question flip If I don’t read Greek, how am I supposed to compare the texts that matter?
- Question flip Is “literal from the oldest manuscripts” just marketing?
- Product Cost of inaction: lifetime of confident English that never showed its work; “the Greek says” theater you can’t defend.
Beat 3c · Invalidate alternatives (DSK “other solutions”)
Objection — “Strongs isn't a lexicon… replace a word code finder”
Handwrite:
Kill the usual escapes before the turn. One named pass at Strong’s / e-Sword / Blue Letter, then pain. Logos $ quotes = foil only. Chop their words; don’t invent new sins.
- Expert “…uses strongs like a ‘replace a word’ code finder… Strongs isn't a lexicon… you can't just choose a new meaning for a word…”
- Expert “…feel like you're reading in the original languages without taking the time… Strong's… is not an up to date scholarly lexicon.”
- Expert “A concordance, in and of itself, is not a lexicon.”
- Expert Biblical language “urban legends… tiny thrill of enlightenment.”
- Paraphrase “Strong’s made me feel smart. It did not make me careful.”
- Foil “After spending over $700… very little return… ROI… basically zero…”
- Foil “I hate the subscription model…”
- Foil “…resent the constant pressure to subscribe… ads…”
- Foil “…9,700 books… no longer a joy…”
- Foil “…1700 euro… expected to get the Greek manuscripts, to come closer to the Bible”
- Paraphrase “I wanted the oldest witnesses. I got a library of books I will never open.”
- Foil “I do not personally trust AI to the point I want to integrate it into Bible study.”
- Niche “Don’t forget, there is not yet a complete English translation of the EOTC Bible! Please do not get scammed.”
Beat 4 · Turn / solution
Turn — “Instead of shopping modern glosses… named witnesses… where those choices split”
Handwrite:
Almost no forum quotes here. Pivot in product voice. Lead with the locked bridge sentence. Then mechanism bullets in your words. Fence once: not language school / not decoder-ring / not Logos.
- Product Instead of shopping modern glosses, BibleAsWritten.com shows what named witnesses actually chose — and where those choices split.
- Product Close English per named witness; Clear (BibleAsWritten) for the ear; Conflict notes when Closes disagree; originals stay labeled.
- Product No invent-on-page-load Scripture. AI may help prepare/validate Close offline; disclose as process — not live study magic; not “scholars signed off.”
- Product Not a language course. Not Strong’s/e-Sword/Blue Letter decoder-ring study. Not a commentary mall.
- Desire only “next best thing short of learning the languages” / “compare them side by side” / “come closer to the Bible”
Beat 5 · Benefits / fascinations
Benefits — “come closer to the Bible” / “side by side”
Handwrite:
Map each desire quote to a concrete result. Fascination bullets > feature dumps. Include the hidden benefit last.
- Desire Faithful English without full language learning → Clear + Close per witness
- Desire Don’t smooth hard passages → anti-smoothing Close; Conflict keeps splits
- Desire LXX / texts side by side → labeled witness panels
- Desire “Closer to the Bible” without four-figure packages → free reading stack
- Product Concordance without gloss roulette → lemma maps (where else; same/different across witnesses)
- Product No AI inventing verses on read → approved text only
- Paraphrase Text not buried under unread libraries → reading stack first
- Product Hidden benefit: serious reader without language PhD or Strong’s hobby
Beat 6 · Proof
Proof — “compare… user-friendly” (desire ≠ proof)
Handwrite:
Forum quotes prove pain, not that BAW works. Demo the site: labeled witnesses + a real split (created vs made) + Conflict. Don’t fake testimonials.
- Product Worked example: Hebrew / Septuagint / Ge’ez diverge (e.g. created vs made) + Conflict note
- Product Named witness list as shipped
- Product Process: style locks, bakeoffs, approved text on read
- Hole User testimonials — none yet
- Hole Usage metrics — none yet
Beat 7 · Damaging admission
Admission — “you are still trusting… Close English”
Handwrite:
One true flaw, then reframe. No forum quote owns this — use the locked admission. Soften nothing; don’t apologize for honesty.
- Product Won’t learn the languages → still trusting BibleAsWritten.com’s Close per named witness.
- Product Cannot grant private fluency; puts trust in public: labels + Conflict; some passages stay uncomfortable.
- Product Reframe: soft Bibles and decoder-ring tools hide trust and splits; BAW puts both on the table.
Beat 8 · Offer
Offer — “come closer… without the library tax” (foil contrast)
Handwrite:
Exact contents. Free vs paid. Launch when complete including paid. Contrast foil $ quotes only as “what you don’t have to do.” Leave TBD as TBD.
- Product Free: reading stack — witnesses, Close, Clear, Conflict/Context, lemma maps as shipped
- Product Paid: study cockpit on same stack (triaged list; not FINAL)
- Hole Exact price TBD (~$5/mo working idea)
- Product Nothing sold that doesn’t exist; launch when complete including paid
- Foil contrast $700 / $8k / 9,700 books / subscription hate — use only to contrast free honesty
Beat 9 · Risk reversal
Guarantee — “uncluttered access” (desire fragment only)
Handwrite:
State risk on seller side. Free read = no card. Paid = cancel anytime. Don’t invent a refund window.
- Product Free reading: try without a card
- Product Paid: cancel anytime
- Hole Money-back window — unset
- Foil “…would like uncluttered access…” (anti-ads thread) — optional tone only
Beat 10 · Urgency / scarcity
Urgency — none (research hates fake deadlines)
Handwrite:
Skip this beat, or one honest reason-why later. Do not borrow subscription dark-pattern language from the foil quotes.
- Product Intentionally none
- Anti-pattern Foil quotes about fake urgency / pressure to subscribe — do not copy as our urgency
Beat 11 · Call to action
CTA — “compare them side by side” → open Read
Handwrite:
One primary action, steps clear. Map desire (“side by side,” “closer”) to the button. Secondary: Witnesses.
- Product Primary: open /read and start Scripture (Genesis or first complete book)
- Product Secondary: /witnesses
- Product Paid: upgrade to study cockpit when ready
- Hole Exact account vs guest flow at launch
Beat 12 · P.S.
P.S. — “next best thing short of learning the languages”
Handwrite:
Second-most-read block. Restate bridge + free stack + fence. One short chop from teaser/desire quotes OK.
- Product Restate: gloss shopping vs named witnesses + splits
- Product Free to read; Conflict keeps disagreements visible
- Product Not language course / decoder-ring / commentary mall
- Avatar Optional close with “next best thing short of learning the languages”
